I play that game all the time. And whenever I do, the end result is the same. Imagine for a minute: a game where you can know the outcome every single time because it's the same every time. What would that be like?
You know that game.... The Blame Game. Blame - not to be confused with Credit.
It's the one game where I usually start it, and I am the one who can end it any time I choose. It's really up to me.
How to start The Blame Game:
Think: If only ______
Ask: What is wrong with her/him?
Dwell on: Why me?
How to keep the game going:
Claim: He/she/they/you should have _______
Defend: You don't know me.
Explain: You don't understand...
How to end the game:
Take: Full responsibility. No matter what.
Apologize and forgive if necessary.
... it's usually necessary
It's kind of like yelling at the curb after tripping over it. It was already there.
"And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye?" - Luke 6:41
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
full
A friend was sharing with me earlier that he was just tired. Not your everyday, "I could've slept a bit earlier" tired, but... tired. You know, tired.
Tired from working. Tired from worrying. Tired from over-thinking things. Tired from smiling on the outside when you're gasping for breath on the inside. Tired from trying to steer the reins of life and taking control. Tired from trying to prove yourself. That tired.
I'm starting to understand Jesus more and more:
I'm thankful that despite my tired condition, I am filled with this unexplainable peace from God.
My heart is full. My soul, at rest.
Tired from working. Tired from worrying. Tired from over-thinking things. Tired from smiling on the outside when you're gasping for breath on the inside. Tired from trying to steer the reins of life and taking control. Tired from trying to prove yourself. That tired.
I'm starting to understand Jesus more and more:
Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep good company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.
- Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message translation)
- Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message translation)
I'm thankful that despite my tired condition, I am filled with this unexplainable peace from God.
My heart is full. My soul, at rest.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Working Wednesdays: Co-Workers
A bit of a misnomer, since for now, I have most Wednesdays off from work... but I digress....
Co-workers: Besides my roommates, the people I see most throughout the week.
Usually the first people I see every morning, my co-workers are usually the ones to ask, "How's it going today?" and often the first ones we get to debrief with about what we did last night. "So, what did you last night? What did you do over the weekend?" and bouncing off ideas of what to do next: "What are you up to this weekend?"
I don't think I know anybody who exclusively talks about work-related things at the workplace. Topics of conversation with co-workers include relationship talk, why other co-workers behave(d) a certain way, dreams about our future, explaining how our families are like, why you studied that major in school, describing our hometowns, etc.
The truth is that for most of us we consider life outside of work "real life". So work then becomes this bubble that we desperately try not to mix in with everything else. Work often becomes a departure from "everything else", so it oddly becomes the space in which we can reminisce, reflect and reference our "real lives".
Our relationships with our co-workers may start off as strictly professional, but they usually morph into sounding boards for other aspects of our lives so we can get refocused and re-inspired after work.
The actual work itself can be enjoyable. But even the most enjoyable work - even if it's your "passionate interest" can get old = human nature. That whole, "I love my job! I wake up every morning excited to see what's in store!" .... true - but c'mon now, only on some days.
I had this conversation the other day about the difference between college life and working life (I still live in a college town). Why are college students so fickle and emotional rollercoasters? They're all over the place. It's because their environments are not designed for stability and consistency. That's not necessarily bad - because that makes for the perfect breeding ground for idealism, exploration and creativity.
Something that people get tripped up over in the working life? How structured and mundane and "same old same old" it can get. And one of the key things to getting through the work week? Solid co-workers that you can connect with on a human-level and just be yourself around - especially when your work can make you feel like you're a small gear in a big unrelenting impersonal machine.
What's more important when I'm on a road trip? The actual destination? The weather? Road conditions? Rest stop availabilities? Type of car I'm driving? More than those, it's the passengers I'm with. If life is more about the journey than the destination itself, then what makes for a good journey is good company.
Why do I do what I do? I can say "for God". True. But how did my idea, expression and understanding of God even come into being? Rubbing lots of shoulders with lots of people. Because there were people in my life who got me to where I am today to even allow me to do what I do. Others. It's what keeps me going.
Enjoy and appreciate your co-workers. The reciprocation makes work worth it.
Co-workers: Besides my roommates, the people I see most throughout the week.
Usually the first people I see every morning, my co-workers are usually the ones to ask, "How's it going today?" and often the first ones we get to debrief with about what we did last night. "So, what did you last night? What did you do over the weekend?" and bouncing off ideas of what to do next: "What are you up to this weekend?"
I don't think I know anybody who exclusively talks about work-related things at the workplace. Topics of conversation with co-workers include relationship talk, why other co-workers behave(d) a certain way, dreams about our future, explaining how our families are like, why you studied that major in school, describing our hometowns, etc.
The truth is that for most of us we consider life outside of work "real life". So work then becomes this bubble that we desperately try not to mix in with everything else. Work often becomes a departure from "everything else", so it oddly becomes the space in which we can reminisce, reflect and reference our "real lives".
Our relationships with our co-workers may start off as strictly professional, but they usually morph into sounding boards for other aspects of our lives so we can get refocused and re-inspired after work.
The actual work itself can be enjoyable. But even the most enjoyable work - even if it's your "passionate interest" can get old = human nature. That whole, "I love my job! I wake up every morning excited to see what's in store!" .... true - but c'mon now, only on some days.
I had this conversation the other day about the difference between college life and working life (I still live in a college town). Why are college students so fickle and emotional rollercoasters? They're all over the place. It's because their environments are not designed for stability and consistency. That's not necessarily bad - because that makes for the perfect breeding ground for idealism, exploration and creativity.
Something that people get tripped up over in the working life? How structured and mundane and "same old same old" it can get. And one of the key things to getting through the work week? Solid co-workers that you can connect with on a human-level and just be yourself around - especially when your work can make you feel like you're a small gear in a big unrelenting impersonal machine.
What's more important when I'm on a road trip? The actual destination? The weather? Road conditions? Rest stop availabilities? Type of car I'm driving? More than those, it's the passengers I'm with. If life is more about the journey than the destination itself, then what makes for a good journey is good company.
Why do I do what I do? I can say "for God". True. But how did my idea, expression and understanding of God even come into being? Rubbing lots of shoulders with lots of people. Because there were people in my life who got me to where I am today to even allow me to do what I do. Others. It's what keeps me going.
Enjoy and appreciate your co-workers. The reciprocation makes work worth it.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
listen
Talk is cheap. Listening is expensive.
Ever hear that joke? "Conversation: a vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener"
Recently, I was warned by somebody to avoid stepping on a gift bag, which was laying close to my feet at the time. I heard the warning but didn't pay close attention. Eventually, I ended up crushing the gift bag with my feet - not because I forgot that it was there but because I did not pay attention to the fact that it was someone else's gift bag.
"Oops! Is this a gift bag?"
"Yea, I told you. You don't listen to me..."
Paying attention is central in loving. To be clear, I'm not talking about being an attention-hog and people-pleaser. I'm talking about active listening. ;)
Technology and certain responsibilities have revealed my selfishness - I feel the great need to express myself (Tweet, Facebook status, blog, counsel) but don't care to put in the hard work of listening.
Courageous Christ-follower, Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, "The first service one owes to others in the community involves listening to them. Just as our love for God begins with listening to God's Word, the beginning of love for other Christians is learning to listen to them. God's love for us is shown by the fact that God not only gives us God's Word, but also lends us God's ear.... so often Christians, especially preachers, think that their only service is always to have to 'offer' something when they are together with people. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking."
Attention denotes significance. You want to love somebody? Pay attention.
In his book, Nudge, Leonard Sweet writes, "To pay attention requires availability... the capacity of being available, or being willing to interrupt your work and your agenda for generous acts. [It] involves noticing and nudging people by giving them more than a name tag or even a name... it is interrupting your personal agenda to enter into the reality of who they are..."
I wait for those spectacular moments of sudden inspiration and grandiose supernatural visions that leave me with incredible highs - but how many times have I ignored the whispers from God? How many times have I completely bypassed the nudges of love in the everyday moments with the people that I take for granted?
In this season of Thanksgiving, I'm reminded that thankfulness is not a passive emotion, but one that requires a resolute response. To be thankful implies humility. And what is humility - the recognition of who I really am in light of who God is, and that He is greater. The essence of John 3:30. I'm thankful for my God who listens to me, and for placing people in my life who have listened. I resolve to be available. I resolve to listen.
Ever hear that joke? "Conversation: a vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener"
Recently, I was warned by somebody to avoid stepping on a gift bag, which was laying close to my feet at the time. I heard the warning but didn't pay close attention. Eventually, I ended up crushing the gift bag with my feet - not because I forgot that it was there but because I did not pay attention to the fact that it was someone else's gift bag.
"Oops! Is this a gift bag?"
"Yea, I told you. You don't listen to me..."
Paying attention is central in loving. To be clear, I'm not talking about being an attention-hog and people-pleaser. I'm talking about active listening. ;)
Technology and certain responsibilities have revealed my selfishness - I feel the great need to express myself (Tweet, Facebook status, blog, counsel) but don't care to put in the hard work of listening.
Courageous Christ-follower, Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, "The first service one owes to others in the community involves listening to them. Just as our love for God begins with listening to God's Word, the beginning of love for other Christians is learning to listen to them. God's love for us is shown by the fact that God not only gives us God's Word, but also lends us God's ear.... so often Christians, especially preachers, think that their only service is always to have to 'offer' something when they are together with people. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking."
Attention denotes significance. You want to love somebody? Pay attention.
In his book, Nudge, Leonard Sweet writes, "To pay attention requires availability... the capacity of being available, or being willing to interrupt your work and your agenda for generous acts. [It] involves noticing and nudging people by giving them more than a name tag or even a name... it is interrupting your personal agenda to enter into the reality of who they are..."
I wait for those spectacular moments of sudden inspiration and grandiose supernatural visions that leave me with incredible highs - but how many times have I ignored the whispers from God? How many times have I completely bypassed the nudges of love in the everyday moments with the people that I take for granted?
In this season of Thanksgiving, I'm reminded that thankfulness is not a passive emotion, but one that requires a resolute response. To be thankful implies humility. And what is humility - the recognition of who I really am in light of who God is, and that He is greater. The essence of John 3:30. I'm thankful for my God who listens to me, and for placing people in my life who have listened. I resolve to be available. I resolve to listen.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Top Ten Tuesdays
I love breakfast foods. They're pretty much the best.
Top 10 places to get breakfast in Ann Arbor (that I've personally visited)
10. Denny's
I'm from New Jersey, where we have a family-owned diner every few blocks. Denny's is NOT a real diner. But it does have ridiculous deals and they're open 24/7 AND can seat a lot of people at once. Accessibility puts Denny's in the top 10.
9. Panera
I always thought Panera was just too fancy to be a bagel store - they sell soup, salads, sandwiches, pasta... doesn't quite fit in as a true breakfast place. But the free WiFi and the cozy places to sit in and contemplate life while munching on one of those crazy Cinammon Sugar-coated bagels can be nice in the morning.
8. Breugger's Bagels
This was the standard for me all throughout undergrad. Especially on Sunday mornings when we used to wake up a lot earlier to set up for church, everyone was munching on these bagels. It's been there before Panera. It's open early and closes early, just like a bagel shop should. And they primarily serve bagels, which is appropriate and simple. I like that.
7. Mr.Greek's
A bit lower on the list because their portion size went down and prices went up over the years. Still decent though. Go for the Hercules breakfast, it's got everything you want in a breakfast.
6. McDonald's
I have a special place in my heart for "Mickey D's" breakfasts. I travel(ed) a lot and a McDonald's Big Breakfast was comfort food for the road. Good memories associated with this one. And McGriddles are pure awesomeness. Seriously.
5. Fleetwood Mac
Kind of a dirty, dingy place with greasy borderline-questionable breakfast food. Now THAT's a DINER! First time there was during my freshman year. My Jersey friend and I hiked over in the bitter cold because we were having diner-withdrawal. Waitress comes up, "Can I take your order? ACHOOO!!" Snot and boogers EVERYWHERE. We promptly ordered and devoured the hippie hash. Glorious.
4. Selma Cafe
Although I haven't been here yet from what I hear, it's exactly my kind of deal. A family opens up their Ann Arbor home on Friday mornings where guest chefs cook breakfasts for guests. Run by the family and a small army of volunteers, you get to rub shoulders with Ann Arborites, eat a home-cooked meal in... a home... and support local farms (all fresh, locally grown ingredients) and local businesses. It's the "real deal". This place is on my To Visit list for sure.
3. Angelo's
Mainstay of Ann Arbor. Classic. Good service, just the right amount of hustle-bustle - just the right kind of breakfast atmosphere. Get an omelet and their freshly baked raisin bread. Hugely satisfying.
2. Afternoon Delight
Discovered this little guy while working security across the street at the public library. Wandered over for lunch one day and had a milkshake. Brought ALL the boys to the yard. Get the meat boule. Four different kinds of meat scrambled into eggs, dripping with cheese all jammed into a cantaloupe-sized bread bowl. It'll put some hair on your chest.
1. My apartment
I always have my fridge stocked with eggs, sausage, cheese, milk, bread for toast, and cereal. I can have breakfast whenever I want in whatever attire I choose. And I can even choose to pass out on a full stomach afterwards on my comfortable couch. There's no place like home.
What's your favorite breakfast place?
Follow-up on previous post coming in next post!
Top 10 places to get breakfast in Ann Arbor (that I've personally visited)
10. Denny's
I'm from New Jersey, where we have a family-owned diner every few blocks. Denny's is NOT a real diner. But it does have ridiculous deals and they're open 24/7 AND can seat a lot of people at once. Accessibility puts Denny's in the top 10.
9. Panera
I always thought Panera was just too fancy to be a bagel store - they sell soup, salads, sandwiches, pasta... doesn't quite fit in as a true breakfast place. But the free WiFi and the cozy places to sit in and contemplate life while munching on one of those crazy Cinammon Sugar-coated bagels can be nice in the morning.
8. Breugger's Bagels
This was the standard for me all throughout undergrad. Especially on Sunday mornings when we used to wake up a lot earlier to set up for church, everyone was munching on these bagels. It's been there before Panera. It's open early and closes early, just like a bagel shop should. And they primarily serve bagels, which is appropriate and simple. I like that.
7. Mr.Greek's
A bit lower on the list because their portion size went down and prices went up over the years. Still decent though. Go for the Hercules breakfast, it's got everything you want in a breakfast.
6. McDonald's
I have a special place in my heart for "Mickey D's" breakfasts. I travel(ed) a lot and a McDonald's Big Breakfast was comfort food for the road. Good memories associated with this one. And McGriddles are pure awesomeness. Seriously.
5. Fleetwood Mac
Kind of a dirty, dingy place with greasy borderline-questionable breakfast food. Now THAT's a DINER! First time there was during my freshman year. My Jersey friend and I hiked over in the bitter cold because we were having diner-withdrawal. Waitress comes up, "Can I take your order? ACHOOO!!" Snot and boogers EVERYWHERE. We promptly ordered and devoured the hippie hash. Glorious.
4. Selma Cafe
Although I haven't been here yet from what I hear, it's exactly my kind of deal. A family opens up their Ann Arbor home on Friday mornings where guest chefs cook breakfasts for guests. Run by the family and a small army of volunteers, you get to rub shoulders with Ann Arborites, eat a home-cooked meal in... a home... and support local farms (all fresh, locally grown ingredients) and local businesses. It's the "real deal". This place is on my To Visit list for sure.
3. Angelo's
Mainstay of Ann Arbor. Classic. Good service, just the right amount of hustle-bustle - just the right kind of breakfast atmosphere. Get an omelet and their freshly baked raisin bread. Hugely satisfying.
2. Afternoon Delight
Discovered this little guy while working security across the street at the public library. Wandered over for lunch one day and had a milkshake. Brought ALL the boys to the yard. Get the meat boule. Four different kinds of meat scrambled into eggs, dripping with cheese all jammed into a cantaloupe-sized bread bowl. It'll put some hair on your chest.
1. My apartment
I always have my fridge stocked with eggs, sausage, cheese, milk, bread for toast, and cereal. I can have breakfast whenever I want in whatever attire I choose. And I can even choose to pass out on a full stomach afterwards on my comfortable couch. There's no place like home.
What's your favorite breakfast place?
Follow-up on previous post coming in next post!
Friday, October 21, 2011
"But my heart's not in it"
I've been saying and hearing this phrase over and over again:
"Yea, I would and I know it's good for me, but my heart is not in it."
That, friends, is an excuse. What this phrase actually means is simply "Nah, I don't feel like it. Leave me alone. I do what I want."
There's nothing wrong with being honest and straight up. However, our "honesty" should not serve as an excuse to not do what is right, good, necessary.
Obeying and following God is not primarily dependent on how we feel at the moment or whether or not our "heart" is in it.
This attitude implies that I am the Master in my relationship with God. That God's will and work needs to wait on how I feel and whether or not I feel happy enough, satisfied enough, and "ready enough". In my selfishness, I am demanding that God wait and serve me and that I dictate when and how things will get done.
Imagine, a servant having this attitude towards his master: "Yea, master, I hear you. And I know what you're asking and requiring of me. But I don't feel like it at the moment. My heart is not really into the work right now. And I want to do your work 'wholeheartedly'. So, maybe later. Thanks for understanding. I'll be in my room to be alone now. I'll come back when I feel like I'm more into it."
...
So, if I know that by saying, "my heart is not in it" I may be just attempting to excuse myself from doing what's good, right, and needed, then how should I approach all this? Isn't it true that there will be many times where I don't feel like doing something? And as a Christ-follower I'm commanded to rejoice always, trust God wholeheartedly, and love God - aren't those "heart" issues? Won't I be one of those hypocrites offering only lip-service to God if my heart is not in it but I keep doing things anyway?
I have to go to work now, more on this later.
Stay sharp. ;)
"Yea, I would and I know it's good for me, but my heart is not in it."
That, friends, is an excuse. What this phrase actually means is simply "Nah, I don't feel like it. Leave me alone. I do what I want."
There's nothing wrong with being honest and straight up. However, our "honesty" should not serve as an excuse to not do what is right, good, necessary.
Obeying and following God is not primarily dependent on how we feel at the moment or whether or not our "heart" is in it.
This attitude implies that I am the Master in my relationship with God. That God's will and work needs to wait on how I feel and whether or not I feel happy enough, satisfied enough, and "ready enough". In my selfishness, I am demanding that God wait and serve me and that I dictate when and how things will get done.
Imagine, a servant having this attitude towards his master: "Yea, master, I hear you. And I know what you're asking and requiring of me. But I don't feel like it at the moment. My heart is not really into the work right now. And I want to do your work 'wholeheartedly'. So, maybe later. Thanks for understanding. I'll be in my room to be alone now. I'll come back when I feel like I'm more into it."
...
So, if I know that by saying, "my heart is not in it" I may be just attempting to excuse myself from doing what's good, right, and needed, then how should I approach all this? Isn't it true that there will be many times where I don't feel like doing something? And as a Christ-follower I'm commanded to rejoice always, trust God wholeheartedly, and love God - aren't those "heart" issues? Won't I be one of those hypocrites offering only lip-service to God if my heart is not in it but I keep doing things anyway?
I have to go to work now, more on this later.
Stay sharp. ;)
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
totally opposite
"Don't take risks... You're awesome."
I read this tag line on an advertisement displayed in one of the University of Michigan student bookstores. It's for an online service which allows students to order their textbooks ahead of time instead of waiting last minute and "risking" not being able to get what they want. Seems like a helpful business, but I couldn't help but be turned off by their whole advertising scheme.
Another one of their tag lines:
"Don't take risks because risk is stupid"
Really? At best, this whole idea of "playing it safe" and "taking control of your life" is delusional. Sorry to bust your bubble, but life doesn't roll like that. I thought most people over the age of 2 knew this - that we seldom get our way...
Without taking risks, we will just live to survive and carry out a self-centered, mediocre life. Fixed ways of life are always safe, but allows little room for faith. And by constantly thinking that we're "so awesome"... well, personally, I don't need any more superficial ego-boosts. I'm already helplessly proud, thank you very much. This whole not risking, you're awesome business is so comforting and safe but totally opposite of the Gospel, anti-God.
We're constantly bombarded by these advertisements that sustain an illusion - a detachment from reality. It is in this illusion where I get lost and full of myself - the perfect breeding ground for pride.
Humility is recognizing who I really am in light of who God is and His great mercies. That I did nothing to gain salvation, but in order to obtain the fullness of life that I have to be willing to risk it all for the Christ who gave His all.
Heart check:
"...we rely on what Christ Jesus has done for us. We put no confidence in human effort, though I could have confidence in my own effort if anyone could. Indeed, if anyone has reason for confidence in their own efforts, I have more!...
I once thought these things [background, experience, abilities, achievements] were valuable but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage so that I could gain Christ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God's way of making us right with himself depends on faith. I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!"
- Philippians 3:3b-4, 7-11 (NLT)
I read this tag line on an advertisement displayed in one of the University of Michigan student bookstores. It's for an online service which allows students to order their textbooks ahead of time instead of waiting last minute and "risking" not being able to get what they want. Seems like a helpful business, but I couldn't help but be turned off by their whole advertising scheme.
Another one of their tag lines:
"Don't take risks because risk is stupid"
Really? At best, this whole idea of "playing it safe" and "taking control of your life" is delusional. Sorry to bust your bubble, but life doesn't roll like that. I thought most people over the age of 2 knew this - that we seldom get our way...
Without taking risks, we will just live to survive and carry out a self-centered, mediocre life. Fixed ways of life are always safe, but allows little room for faith. And by constantly thinking that we're "so awesome"... well, personally, I don't need any more superficial ego-boosts. I'm already helplessly proud, thank you very much. This whole not risking, you're awesome business is so comforting and safe but totally opposite of the Gospel, anti-God.
We're constantly bombarded by these advertisements that sustain an illusion - a detachment from reality. It is in this illusion where I get lost and full of myself - the perfect breeding ground for pride.
Humility is recognizing who I really am in light of who God is and His great mercies. That I did nothing to gain salvation, but in order to obtain the fullness of life that I have to be willing to risk it all for the Christ who gave His all.
Heart check:
"...we rely on what Christ Jesus has done for us. We put no confidence in human effort, though I could have confidence in my own effort if anyone could. Indeed, if anyone has reason for confidence in their own efforts, I have more!...
I once thought these things [background, experience, abilities, achievements] were valuable but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage so that I could gain Christ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God's way of making us right with himself depends on faith. I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!"
- Philippians 3:3b-4, 7-11 (NLT)
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