I read this article in the April 2009 edition of Psychology Today magazine at work the other day.
Titled, You're Driving Me Crazy! by Jay Dixit. The tag line reads: Petty annoyances erode even the best relationships. When you've picked up your husband's 2,543rd dirty sock, something's gotta change. Most likely, it's YOU.
Obviously, it's an article on long-term, marital relationships. I'm a single dude. But I thought there were some good principles and points made about how I treat some of my closest friends, family, and people I'm most familiar with. The article reminded me of my ugly, unloving attitude towards other people. Whether it was my perspective, actions, words spoken to strangers or especially people I'm close with relationally - the article was aptly timed.
Excerpts:
"'You don't really live with the partner in your home, You live with the partner in your head,' explains Van Epp. Gradually, you begin looking for evidence that your partner is self-absorbed - and of course you find it. Your perceptions shift over time: The idealized partner you started out with becomes, well, less ideal.
But if you want to stay in a relationship, something needs to change.
In all likelihood, it's you.
With most couples, the problem isn't insufficient communication but too much communication. Many couples get caught in vicious cycles of complaining and criticizing each other, hammerring the same issues over and over.
Not only is criticism flat-out destructive to a relationship, it often doesn't budge an issue. Most behaviors never change - because most relationship problems are unresolvable. Gottman calculates 69 percent of all marital provlems are immutable, arising from basic personality differences between partners.
In other words, what you can change is your perspective."
This past Friday night, our campus ministry delved into Matthew 7:1-12 together. A goodie on how we treat and view others/ourselves. The one thing to remember: We must display our Father's love in our relationships.
Three times this week, God spoke to me through (others) in 1 John 4:
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we muight live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
I am reminded daily of God's grace. Sometimes the way I respond is humility. Other times, my mind remains stagnant and I get even more proud, resisting the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit. A constant test of my obedience - will I yield?
This Kingdom of Heaven is truly astounding. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. Where I must be the servant of all. Instead of looking at others in disdain thinking "They should change because I'm right and they're wrong/worse than me!", I must look at myself through the Father's eyes and then see others with a renewed perspective. Wow. Blows my mind.
"Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven"
Titled, You're Driving Me Crazy! by Jay Dixit. The tag line reads: Petty annoyances erode even the best relationships. When you've picked up your husband's 2,543rd dirty sock, something's gotta change. Most likely, it's YOU.
Obviously, it's an article on long-term, marital relationships. I'm a single dude. But I thought there were some good principles and points made about how I treat some of my closest friends, family, and people I'm most familiar with. The article reminded me of my ugly, unloving attitude towards other people. Whether it was my perspective, actions, words spoken to strangers or especially people I'm close with relationally - the article was aptly timed.
Excerpts:
"'You don't really live with the partner in your home, You live with the partner in your head,' explains Van Epp. Gradually, you begin looking for evidence that your partner is self-absorbed - and of course you find it. Your perceptions shift over time: The idealized partner you started out with becomes, well, less ideal.
But if you want to stay in a relationship, something needs to change.
In all likelihood, it's you.
With most couples, the problem isn't insufficient communication but too much communication. Many couples get caught in vicious cycles of complaining and criticizing each other, hammerring the same issues over and over.
Not only is criticism flat-out destructive to a relationship, it often doesn't budge an issue. Most behaviors never change - because most relationship problems are unresolvable. Gottman calculates 69 percent of all marital provlems are immutable, arising from basic personality differences between partners.
In other words, what you can change is your perspective."
This past Friday night, our campus ministry delved into Matthew 7:1-12 together. A goodie on how we treat and view others/ourselves. The one thing to remember: We must display our Father's love in our relationships.
Three times this week, God spoke to me through (others) in 1 John 4:
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we muight live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
I am reminded daily of God's grace. Sometimes the way I respond is humility. Other times, my mind remains stagnant and I get even more proud, resisting the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit. A constant test of my obedience - will I yield?
This Kingdom of Heaven is truly astounding. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. Where I must be the servant of all. Instead of looking at others in disdain thinking "They should change because I'm right and they're wrong/worse than me!", I must look at myself through the Father's eyes and then see others with a renewed perspective. Wow. Blows my mind.
"Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven"
amen. Hopefully we'll remember this post when we're all living together. -.-
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