Jabroni

I've been running into five kinds of people; oversimplified so that I can make one point:

Person 1: "I've always wanted to be _______. But now I'm stuck doing _______.

Person 2: "I would've never imagined I'd be ______ and doing ________. But wow, here I am!"

Person 3: "I'm so tired and so busy. This sucks."

Person 4: "I always knew what I wanted to do and be. And now I'm living the dream!"

Person 5: "This is my life and I've accepted it."


Person 1: This person had an idea of what he wanted to do and be and probably invested a lot of time, energy, thought, and resources into achieving that goal. When "life happened" and he didn't achieve his goal, he feels as if he is "stuck", useless, discouraged.

Person 2: This person either used to resist the idea of what he is currently involved in, or he simply never seriously considered his current position to be a reality. But now that he is where he is, he is grateful at all the new opportunities to learn more about himself and the world and is ready for more.

Person 3: This person may or may not have found his "dream job". His self-centered perspective may be hindering him from enjoying the fullness of life. He may even be looking forward to this enigmatic, intangible period of happiness and rest once he is not busy or tired (and he's in for a rude awakening!)

Person 4: This person may have found temporary satisfaction with where he is and what he is/is doing, but if he doesn't snap out of it, he will become disillusioned. There are simply too many twists and turns in life - life is NOT a dream! He would have to be a very flexible and forgiving person if something were to drastically change his way of life, otherwise he may be devastated.

Person 5: On the positive end, this person has accepted their responsibilities and roles and is willing to go through with them. On the negative end, this person may have "given up" or stopped looking for a greater purpose, allowing his situation to dominate his life experience.

Ever since I was a young child, I was thrust into many roles and positions that I didn't ask for. My parents always explained to me that I represented something/someone bigger than myself and therefore should diligently play my role well, regardless of how I felt. The "American dream" of "following your heart" and "pursuing your dreams" weren't emphasized so much as "this is what needs to be done, please do what you can to help".

I was able to conform to this mindset and lifestyle for some time and was seen as a responsible, young man. But bitterness did eventually take over and I rebelled. I wanted to "live my life". Years later, I'm accepting that what my parents were trying to teach me is the way I want to live - in obedience to God and living for a greater purpose that trumps my own personal desires.

Isn't that what having a "role" is? A role implies that there is a greater movement requiring selfless service from each of its multiple moving parts. For example: A movie cannot be created with the actors alone. Just stay 10 minutes after a movie ends and read the "credits", and you'll know what I mean. I like this quote about everyone knowing their roles: "The quarterback gets all the praise, while the offensive lineman did the job".

The more I'm caught up thinking about how my talents, dreams and ambitions are not being fulfilled, the more I lose sight of living in God's will. Complaint is the lens I put on when I want things my own way. And Complaint's older brother is Control. I'm learning to let go of Control, and instead of inviting Complaint in, taking on a Conformed and grateful heart to the Father's will.

So, my one point? If you know your role and understand that it is an essential contribution to the success of the greater mission, then there is no room for complaint; only grateful and loyal diligence.

Now, some words of wisdom:

The Rock says...
Know your role and shut your mouth!
It doesn't matter what you think!
It doesn't matter what your name is, you jabroni!
- The Rock (aka. Dwayne Johnson)

Harsh? Yes, but it is something that I, a jabroni, need to hear sometimes.

Disturbing in his own way, Jesus had something to say on this too. Click here for a contemporary translation.

great expectations

If you haven't heard by now, American President Barack Obama has just been awarded one of the world's most prestigious awards, the Nobel Peace Prize. There were varied responses to his commendation - some were supportive, some were skeptical. But all sides understand the fact that President Obama has only been in his current office for eight months, and critics point out that he hasn't "achieved that much" to be considered worthy enough to win this high honor.

From CNN.com (http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/10/09/nobel.peace.prize/index.html)

Kofi Annan, the former U.N. secretary general who won the peace prize in 2001, called the choice "unexpected but inspired."

"In an increasingly challenging and volatile world, President Obama has given a sense of hope and optimism to millions around the world" and "has shown that the only way forward is through genuine cooperation with other nations."

...The Nobel announcement was a stunning decision that comes just eight months into Obama's presidency.

The Norwegian Nobel Committee said it honored Obama for his "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples."

The decision appeared to catch most observers by surprise...

One famous blogger remarked that President Obama was being awarded for his display of effort. The writer compared this year's awarding to an elementary school student being awarded an "A" grade for "effort", regardless of actual performance and results. Haha... maybe...

This was interesting to note (from the same CNN article):

Nominations for the prize had to be postmarked by February 1 -- only 12 days after Obama took office. The committee sent out its solicitation for nominations last September -- two months before Obama was elected president.

President Obama was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize at the same time he was elected president! So I wonder what exactly prompted his nominators to nominate him when they did? Prior to his actual election as president of the US, then-candidate Obama only had a relatively short-lived public servant's record and a lot of inspirational campaign promises. In other words, Barack Obama was initially nominated based on "hype" rather than actual achievement. Therefore, the motivation behind his initial pre-presidency Nobel nomination very well could have been different from the motivation and reasoning behind the decision made for his actual win.

It's as if Obama's Nobel nomination was made in anticipation of his potential to fulfill his promises and not much else. That's a lot of faith put into what is essentially just... a lot of potential.

I think that's part of the challenge of leadership. There can be a lot of hype and expectation put on leaders and public figures. Leaders often represent something - a vision, a movement, a group, institution - bigger than themselves. Therefore the success of that "bigger thing" is based on good leadership. Not everyone can do it - the pressure to perform and deliver on these hopeful and well-intentioned promises must be enormous. If Obama is unsuccessful and doesn't live up to his super-hyped up image, he may be seen as a fluke. It may be very difficult for people to see past his character flaws and focus on his legacy. But all leaders are criticized - it's all part of the deal.

I've been thinking a lot about legacy. In the end, it is what actually remains that matters, not necessarily the characters who played a part. Building a legacy can be likened to a physical building. Someone wealthy may have helped fundthe construction of the building, an architect designed the layout, dozens of laborers helped construct it, many will live and work in the building, and many will help maintain the building. After years have gone by, the names - the who - will be forgotten. Only the physical building - the legacy - will remain. People come and go. It is the actual change brought about that counts.

So I wonder if there is real significance and legitimacy behind Obama's Nobel win in that he is the facilitator of change by instilling the motivation and hope into many peoples

"His diplomacy is founded in the concept that those who are to lead the world must do so on the basis of values and attitudes that are shared by the majority of the world's population," it said.

Taken at face value: that comment could make Obama sound like a people pleaserwith a lot of pizzaz and charisma to inspire people.

Or it could imply something deeper - that maybe President Obama attempts to understand and connect with peoples of different cultures in a deeper way in order to be an effective international leader.

For me, I just see that there is a growing discontentment within people's hearts of the status quo. That's why President Obama's message of hope and change and "we're in this together", "Yes we can" was so well-received and inspired millions all across the world. People see how messed up their world is around them and see the need for good, effective leadership. But the truth is that people, no matter how inspirational and charismatic, are not perfect and they fail. Every leader - good or bad - has their critics. That's why behind the desire to see good human leadership lies a greater human need for a Savior.

We can only wait and see how this whole thing plays out. And most will agree - it's too early to fully know if Obama is "deserving" of the Nobel Peace Prize. President Obama gets points in my book for at least being inspirational. We need inspirational people, but that one person cannot bring about all the change on their own, he has his limits.

Change can be super-dramatic and fast and powerful and maybe even violent. But change is never random or "spontaneous". There is a definite flow of events that little by little, gradually contribute to greater moments of recognizable change. Change always takes time. And something we have to recognize is not only to have patience in waiting for change, but taking the time to reflect on the many smaller changes that are happening more frequently as a result of and resulting in bigger changes. But that's next week's blog :)

one thing. break mine for what breaks Yours

First blog update since I arrived in Indonesia three months ago in July.

For now, here are some notable quotations that troubled my heart and what God has been speaking to me about recently. Not only do some of them hit close to "home" (physically, emotionally), but they all scream: "This world needs a Savior".

The "Verbatim" section in the October 12, 2009 edition of Time magazine:

'More Czechs believe in infomercials on television than they do in religion.'
DOMINIK JUN, filmmaker, after Pope Benedict XVI used a Sept. 28 speech in the Czech Republic to urge secular Czechs to rejoin the church

'It was never going to be easy.'
DAN PFEIFFER, White House deputy communications director, acknowledging that the Obama Administration may not be able to fulfill its promise to close the U.S. military prison at Guantánamo Bay by Jan. 22

'I am the happiest man in the world. I just climbed a beautiful mountain.'
CLIFTON MALONEY, husband of New York Representative Carolyn Maloney, after summiting Cho Oyu, the sixth tallest mountain in the world, on Sept. 25. The 71-year-old avid outdoorsman, who was said to be in excellent health, was found dead the following morning

'This is a very noble way to destroy the enemies of Islam. This is not suicide.'
DANI PERMANA, an 18-year-old high school graduate from Indonesia, speaking in a newly released video that identifies him as one of the suicide bombers responsible for the July 17 attacks on two Jakarta hotels that killed seven people and wounded dozens

'It's just devastating, like the wrath of God.'
VINCENT IULI, a villager in American Samoa, after an 8.3-magnitude earthquake on Sept. 29 triggered a tsunami that swept away whole towns on the Pacific islands of Samoa, American Samoa and Tonga, killing at least 100 people

'I thought it would make me happy.'
MARK DREIER, a disgraced financier currently serving 20 years in prison for fraud, on why he hatched a $380 million Ponzi scheme that ran for four years beginning in 2004

'It's not a huge shift.'
EILEEN O'NEILL, president and general manager of cable network TLC, downplaying Jon Gosselin's decision to leave the reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8, which followed the Gosselins' lives as they raised eight young children. The couple announced their separation in June; a new version of the show, retitled Kate Plus Eight, will premiere Nov. 2

What are people looking for in their lives? A sense of purpose? A sense of peace and fulfillment? Something that will make them feel good, even for a moment, before looking for the next happy moment? Or maybe some people have stopped looking altogether.

I'm learning there is tremendous hope in God - He restores all things. I ask myself, why do I what I do? My reason and purpose must be fueled by a discontentment with the status quo and a hope for something better in Jesus. A genuine hope that is not distilled by my own expectations, but seeing people and myself as new creations in need of grace every waking moment of the day.

An 18-year old who is willing to martyr himself in the name of radical Islam, right here in Indonesia, is not just "another terrorist" incident. Accepting "losses" is unacceptable. That is not the language of love and obedience. Jesus preached that the angels in heaven rejoice over one sinner who repents rather than ninety-nine righteous people getting into heaven. 1>99. He came to seek and save the lost. He charged his followers to carry on his work.

In view of "all that's going on" in this world, instead of looking at the sheer massive impossibility of the situation, I need to find hope in just one thing. One Savior. One soul at a time. One day at a time.

"...you are screwed"

A couple of folk have been asking if I had a "bucket list" since I'll be leaving Ann Arbor next week. A silly thought (read April 20, 2009 entry).

#1. God-willing, I'll be back in Ann Arbor this time next year.


#2. Does it really matter what I do? The "who" is more important.



Regardless of what I'll be doing and when, it's cherishing moments with people that's most important. I'm realizing that this week might very well be the last time I see some people in person. That realization has been a fresh reminder and has changed my perspective on what it means to be urgent and enjoying life, while holding life loosely at the same time.


Questions for myself:

In those last moments, what am I leaving behind?

Am I doing everything I can to ensure that things and people are better off and are set up for success/equipped to take on the challenges of another year before I leave? Read Philippians 1:22-26.

Nobody told me that part of "growing up" means knowing how to keep in touch and learning to let go. "I'm really bad at keeping in touch" is not a personality trait thing; it's a poor excuse for immature carelessness. I had to learn that on my own.

I guess that's why all the older folk I've been talking to recently have all been telling me to cherish every moment I have, because "you never know".

One year is actually not that long - every day counts.

As an old friend and mentor told me:
"If you don't carpe diem, you are screwed"


Really... with all these celebrity deaths and social unrest in other countries as stark reminders, all else fades away and doesn't matter except for those tangible intangibles: faith, hope, love. Forget bucket lists. Just love people to the fullest, to the very end without reservation.

don't judge me

I was correcting someone the other day and it was funny because he reminded me a lot of... me.

He used his outgoing personality to gain favor and to boost his reputation in people's eyes. He was given to talking his way out of things with a smile and a dash of confidence, rather than humbly admitting his fault.

I wasn't so upset about him making the actual mistake, but he had these "I know what I'm doing and I'm going to get out of this" types of excuses. He was trying to justify and defend himself even when it was so clear to me that he was just plain wrong and needed to own up to his mistake! Instead of humiliating him, I let him go. I addressed his attitude but there are just some things that he has to learn on his own, the hard way.

It was like looking into a mirror.

Something I've recently realized about myself is that I welcome "judgment". I usually don't enjoy it but I certainly don't back down or shy from it.

My attitude contrasts with some other people I know who say something like, "Don't judge me!" on a regular basis. These are the types of people who may shy away from correction, will avoid confrontation, and may even use the "Don't judge me" to get out of something rather than actually addressing the issue/sin.

I, on the other hand, have never cried out "Don't judge me!" in my whole life (really). I either think so highly of myself, have something to prove, or am so confident that I've hidden my weaknesses so well, that I feel like I have the authority to take people up on the challenge of their judgment and criticism. This also implies that I look down on others with a "Who are YOU to judge ME?" outlook.

Since I was younger, I can remember whenever people called me names or passed judgment on me, I would fume and my defenses would automatically go up. Seems like I was always defending myself. Even against compliments! I have to force myself to calm down and accept compliments with gratitude.

When receiving correction, criticism, or rebuke I tend to stand straighter, puff out my chest, and tilt my chin upwards in defiance versus the other extreme of sulking with myhead hung low in a corner. In my prideful delusion, I often think to myself, "He/she/they can't touch me. I have thick skin. It's a good thing". Confrontations galore.

Maybe. But there is a difference in having thick, tough skin due to a security in oneself, versus having a humble confidence in the rock solid foundation that is the Almighty God.

Both types of people - the "Don't judge me's!" and the "Go ahead, can't touch this" folks suffer from pride. In other words, a loss of perspective on the truth of God's holiness and man's sinfulness. The funny thing is, even my attitude is really a "Don't judge me!" attitude in disguise. I don't want to be exposed and will defend myself in the light of judgment. While I may welcome it outwardly, inside I really don't want it.

That kind of outlook and life is just constantly measuring myself up against others - or even an unrealistic standard - it's exhausting and relentless. This type of graceless mode of exhaustion truly calls out for Christ's rest, his rhythms of grace. Christ, I need more of your grace. Open my eyes.

There are 12 days left until our scheduled departure for Jakarta, Indonesia. I pray God will change and clean my heart. There is no room for this prideful mess when love must enter in.

communication

Ever hear about the love languages by Gary Chapman? You can take a mini-quiz here to get an idea.

According to Chapman, there are 5 main ways a person gives and receives and responds to love. Here's how I rank.

1. Quality Time - 37%
2. Acts of Service - 33%
3. Receiving Gifts - 13%
4. Words of Affirmation - 13%
5. Physical Touch - 3%

I first read about the love languages sometime in high school - and things haven't really changed much for me. Recently, I've been advised that I really need to work on affirming others with my words. Also, with the whole ordeal of gift-giving and care packages (end of the year stuff, birthdays, graduation, weddings, etc), I find that I'm often at a loss and think to myself "Who'd want a gift anyhow? I sure wouldn't care for one!"

I find that I can actually be very creative with gift-giving, but since I don't really care for gifts in the first place, it just doesn't happen very frequently. When I do give gifts, it is either out of custom, practicality, or it is actually acts of service in the form of a gift. Sometimes people are offended when I don't express myself in a certain way when receiving gifts. Or some people don't feel loved when I neglect giving something to them.

My words of affirmation are chosen very carefully. I try not to waste my words and think them through very carefully (I'll often rehearse or repeat conversations) so when I say something, I really mean it. But it won't always sound flowery or "super nice" - so many times the person on the receiving end might not catch it. I need to be more direct and obvious in encouraging people.

One of my Staff Sergeants in the Marines called us out once, as we were singing cadence on a long march: "If you need to sing songs to keep yourself motivated, you are weak! The only source of motivation and encouragement you need is from right here! points to chest Shut up!" ... kind of how I feel sometimes... most other people I know would not agree!

I reserve touch to fist pounds, handshakes, and high fives. Hugs are extra special. Kisses? Forget it. In fact, at one wedding, while everyone in line congratulated the bride and groom with hugs and kisses, I offered my hand and a sincere "Congratulations Mr. and Mrs.___" haha

One of the key things to utilizing love languages is understanding what yours are and understanding and recognizing others' love languages. Then, reconcile, compromise, give and take.

So if you know me, I enjoy spending one-on-one time together. I really don't mind those hugely long conversations where we're challenging each other and sharing our lives. Often, what's planned as a one hour meeting can easily go for two. I am known to talk people's ears off (probably a sign that they don't necessarily receive love through quality time!).

I find that I don't long for frequent contact. When I am with people, I try to make the most of it, milking every moment. That's why it's called quality time, not "lots of time".

Acts of service. I was raised this way and was just expected to serve... no matter what. I seldom do it for the "cookies" - I just do it because it needs to be done and someone has to do it. I'd rather it be me than putting others through the trouble. That's why when I receive words of affirmation, expressions of gratitude, or compliments I get awkward - because I'm not doing it for the recognition. When I receive the recognition, somehow that act of service is tainted and it just doesn't feel right and pure anymore. Compliment me and I'll either barely acknowledge it with a hurried "thanks" or redirect the conversation. And it's a great way to pump up my pride. I'd actually rather hear constructive criticism - I live for those intense confrontations (made more possible by quality time)!

We're all different and unique. I'm learning that sacrificial love can look different for different people and that certain aspects of the Gospel touch people in special ways.

Part of loving is not being self-seeking. Instead of demanding that others love me the way I want to receive it, I need to die to myself and love others in a way they understand love. Not to be a people-pleaser, but to honor, respect, encourage people and putting others' needs and desires before my own. I'm coming to understand that this is humility.

inspiration

photo from crossfit.com

Kyle Maynard was born with a rare disorder called congenital amputation. Despite having no arms and partially developed legs, Kyle played football on his high school team, and wrestled on his college team. Kyle is 23 years old. This is a recent picture of him working out.

This past weekend, he fought in his first-ever MMA fight against an "able-bodied" opponent. Kyle lost that fight. Determined to try again, Kyle is training for more.

"It's one of the best moments of my life going a full three rounds and surviving," Kyle said. "A lot of people if you read what they were saying about me [on MMA websites] - didn't think I'd last 30 seconds. It was a huge rush getting into that cage. Do you know how tough it would have been to love something and never have gotten the chance to taste it?" - interview by Steve Hummer from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, April 27, 2009


Kyle Maynard's life motto: "No excuses"

bucket lists.

At the beginning of this month, our LIFE group looked into Jesus Christ's final week on earth before he was crucified, died, and was buried.

We asked ourselves: "What would you do if you had only had 7 days left to live?" and then came up with our own bucket lists.

So what if I sky-dive or go bungy-jumping or travel extensively or learn/master a cool new skill? What does that actually do or accomplish?

Small dreams

It's like I'm trying to achieve all these small dreams of mine. Everyone knows time is precious - but deep down inside, I want that time to be all mine - all about me - under the seemingly noble pretense of "seizing the day" and "living with gusto/with a purpose".

I guess this attitude would be fine for some people. But for a Christ-follower?
This vision of fulfilling a "bucket list" is so contrary to what God has already put in my heart. He's already shown me that in order to follow wholeheartedly after Him, I must abandon my dreams. God has shown me the brevity of life and how little I control and understand about it. It's foolish to somehow plan all these things to do before I die or hit a certain age when I don't even know what tomorrow will bring!

"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring" - Proverbs 27:1

Receiving and giving

My attitude in doing all these bucket list items is all about me being on the receiving end. There's very little giving involved, unless it's coming to the realization that I won't need some material things and giving it away (not for the sake of charity and love, but because I don't need these things anymore and don't want to be weighed down).

It's essentially me taking control of life and dictating exactly what I want to do with it. "It's all about me!" I think that is a lie the world tells me - to "follow my dream" when instead, Christ tells me to "take up my cross and lose my life for His sake and the gospel's". It is a lie that Christ knew I could very easily give into - that's why He told his disciples not to worry about all these things... these bucket lists as the world does... but to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness...

Cheap substitute

To put it another way, I think the reason some bucket lists can be so extravagant and full of things people desire to do/be is that we do not yet fully realize the eternal reward in heaven which will completely PWN anything any bucket list would ever cover. We're worried that when we die - that's it! We're just dirt! So to "live to the fullest", we have to pleasure ourselves and somehow find a substitute for the eternal life Christ promised us. Christ is telling me "Forget your bucket list! It's a scam that doesn't amount to much! You can use your time and energy towards eternal things - because you have eternal life through me! Please stop wasting the time I gave you on earth. Invest what I've given you by being a faithful servant"

Urgency

It's like when I was much younger and went on play-dates. Sometimes in the beginning it would be really awkward if I didn't know my playmate very well. If he/she was already my friend, then we'd get right down to business. Time would fly by. Then, we'd get this weird sense. We'd hear big footsteps and adult voices approaching and would know that our playtime was coming to an end. Realizing we only had a few precious moments left, my playmates and I would "play extra hard" to milk all the possible fun out of that moment. We'd talk a little faster, the plot to our playskits would suddenly have a lot more twists and turns (we didn't play videogames), and we'd just get jittery with nervous anticipation of the inevitable.

I wasn't concerned with what we did. That didn't matter. We could've just sat there, staring at one another for the last few minutes. What really mattered was each other's company. We just wanted to be together for a few extra moments. It was that heightened recognition of our departure - the fickleness of time itself - and our minds going into hyper-mode trying to preserve every last detail as memories.

...my fickleness arises out of a lack of urgency. If I knew 100% for sure that I would die tomorrow, that my "play time" would abruptly end, my bucket list would probably look very different from just a casual, wistfully made one.

What versus Who and How

Bucket list: not so much what I want to "do" (the "what") but more about the how and who. Beyond purposely spending time with people and trying to gain something or impart something from those times, realizing simply that people are my purpose.

Jesus spent his last days loving people. He didn't necessarily go to all these exotic places to do all these sweetacular things. Just imagine: Jesus going all around town turning every fountain of water into wine, making rocks into scrumptious bread, jumping off cliffs and having angels fly him to safety... you know, those "crazy things we all want to do"!

Jesus spent his last moments being spit on, cursed at, falsely accused, beaten, and nailed to a cross - crucified between two criminals. He chose that way. He knew that the small group of people he walked alongside with, loved, taught, and died for would abandon him and deny even knowing him when put under pressure. In those last moments, when any other person would be thinking only about his own wants and needs, Jesus was not thinking about himself at all.

Jesus symbolized his ministry by showing his disciples some broken bread and poured-out wine. "He loved them until the end" by asking His Father to forgive the accusers, because the people did not understand what they were doing. By willfully putting an end to his temporal earthly body, Jesus invested in the eternal. Jesus came to save the world once and for all, not to condemn it as we would in our fickle, proud, judgmental sinfulness. Even after rising from the dead, Jesus went back to his still-doubting disciples and completed his mission in loving them in his fellowship and by empowering and equipping them. Instead of receiving and expecting to be served, Jesus gave everything - even Himself.

Bucket list:
Love until the very end, with no expectations of returned love.
Invest in the eternal: in souls to build God's kingdom, for the fame and glory of His Name.

I can never claim my love for God unless I love my neighbor. I do not choose my neighbors. But I do choose to obey God in loving them. Obedience has no delay. Instant, willing obedience - love is now!

manly

The earliest lessons in manhood I remember are from my father, when I was about three years old. I used to get hung up about dirtying my clothes and whine until my mother changed me into clean ones. I was a clumsy eater and played outside in the dirt all day - so there were a lot of dirty clothes and a lot of whining. My dad had enough of me one day, slammed down his spoon at the dinner table and gave me this intense "Are you kidding me? You want to call yourself my son?!" look. He said, "Look at me, Joseph!" He started throwing bits of food and spilling stuff all over his clothes. Dirty as heck. He didn't whine or cry. "Men don't whine!" he said and finished his meal.

On a regular basis, whenever I would be hanging with my dad, he would always tell me: "Joseph, be a great person. You're meant to be a man, don't let anyone ever tell you different."

Some milestones:

I liked two girls and hit on them within 5 minutes of each other. I first learned what a "player" and what a "player-hater" before I even heard those terms. I was in the first grade.

I started working for wages when I was 11 as a paperboy. I haven't stopped working and earning money for myself ever since.

I broke up with my first "official girlfriend" when I was 12 because I didn't know dancing with another girl at a 6th grade dance was cheating.

I started shaving every day when I was 13. Haven't stopped since.

Drove a car for the first time when I was 17. After driving twice, around the block, and parking - my dad had me drive 70 miles to Manhattan, New York City. I think I almost hit every parked/moving car and pedestrian.

I joined the Marine Corps without first telling my parents when I was 17. I'm now a 23-year old Sergeant leading teenagers who think they'll live forever.

I'm looking to graduate college next week. I'm going to "move on".

Does all that make me a man?


Incidentally, the cover on May 2009's issue of Esquire magazine (Man at his best) is titled "How to be a Man". I couldn't resist. Some excerpts:

An essential part of every man, with the possible exceptions of the pope and William Shatner, doubts the essene of our manhood. By inches, pounds, and paychecks, we gauge ourselves - our power over other men and women and their power over us. Are we tough enough? Rich enough? Man enough? The question is the answer: No - not if we still need to ask. - Scott Raab.


What I've learned - The American Man - May 2005 Esquire
(nearly 20 different men, from all walks of life, interviewed)

Fear is what drives us. The response to fear is when virtue comes out.

I became a man on the the twenty-third of October, 1983, around six-thirty in the morning. The day my Naval Academy roommate was killed in Beirut. I was a thousand yards away. I was twenty-two. Before that I was immortal.

I've learned to forget about being a perfectionist, because entropy always wins out in the end.

It is enough to be clean. Vanity destroys a man's natural confidence.

I don't hire kids, because they don't have any real ethics. I can teach a kid, but he's got to care. That's it.

I am a man, so anything I experience is manly. I don't think, "I want to go out and be manly"

Survival has to do with pre-training. When you're in a bad situation, you're so used to persevering, it's like going on autopilot.

It's important to be flexible - to allow yourself to collapse, to allow yourself to be nurtured. I remember a guy who said, "There's no such thing as too much exercise, but there is such a thing as not enough rest.'

What is a Man?
by Tom Chiarella

A man looks out for those around him - woman, friend, stranger.

A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job. It doesn't matter what his job is, because if a man doesn't like his job, he gets a new one.

A man owns up. That's why Mark McGwire is not a man. A man grasps his mistakes. He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not... Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt.

A man doesn't point out that he did the dishes.

A man knows how to bust balls.

Maybe he never has, and maybe he never will, but a man figures he can knock someone, somewhere, on his ass.

He does not rely on rationalizations. He doesn't winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized, until behavior can be written off with an explanation. He doesn't seem himself lost in some great maw of humanity, some grand sweep. That's the liberal thread; it's why men won't line up as liberals.

A man gets the door without thinking. He stops traffic when he must.

A man resists formulations, questions belief, embraces ambiguity without making a fetish out of it. A man revisits his beliefs. Continually. That's why men won't forever line up with conservatives, either.

A man knows his tools and how to use them - just the ones he needs.

A man listens, and that's how he argues. He crafts opinions. He can pound the table, take the floor. It's not that he must. It's that he can.

A man is comfortable with being alone. Loves being alone, actually. He sleeps.

A man does not know everything. He doesn't try. He likes what other men know.

A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to. He can tell you when he is lost. He can apologize, even if sometimes it's just to put an end to the bickering.

A man does not wither at the thought of dancing. But it is generally to be avoided.

My two cents:
So, when do you know that you're a man? When you choose to be one. It's not just saying it or wanting it or trying to be the best one. It's an initial decision that must be followed by all other decisions that don't seek to prove anything. Once you're out to prove something, that's just insecurity. One is only insecure because he has not come to terms with himself and who he is. Until he figures that out, he's just a male.

The actions of a man are self-evident. People know a man when they see one or are around one versus someone they think is especially "manly". Once you're a man, that's it, there's no going back. It's confidence without cockiness. Humility without self-pity. Strength in weakness. Selfless faith in something bigger. Driven by the realization that one is mortal and imperfect but that perseverance and continual self-improvement are essential to growth. It's knowing that one can never be mature enough but one can always be man enough because manhood isn't a quantitative measurement. It's doing the right thing because it's the right thing and not giving excuses.

And finally, it's knowing that in 20 years, or 10 years, or even next month, I can look back on this blog entry, shake my head, and rewrite the whole thing.

I feel like I still have something to prove. The men I know, don't.

so simple it's just plain crazy

There's a line that I read this past week. And it spoke to me very clearly about grace:
There's nothing you can do to make God love you any less.
There's nothing you can do to make God love you any more.

It's a little over halfway through the traditional Lenten season, and I've been focused on the Gospel. There are only two things I know to do with it - 1. Receive it freely and 2. Give it freely.

It ain't truly good unless it can be (and is) shared.

I was so moved and inspired by this song that two of our brothers sang for the congregation this morning when our church was exhorted to step up and give of ourselves. It's exactly what we needed to hear and I praise God for that. It's called "What If" by Jason Lavik.

What if I climbed that mountain, what if I swam to that shore
What if every battle was victorious then would you love me more
What if I was everyone's first choice, what if I went farther than before
What if I stood high above the rest, then would you love me more
Would you love me more?

You say I belong to you, apart from the things I do
You say I belong to you, I'm in awe of why you do
Why you do, I'm in awe of you

What if I ignored the hand that fed me, what if I forgot to confess
What if I stumbled down that mountain then would you love me less
Lord would you love me less

What if I were everyone's last choice, what if I mixed in with the rest
What if I failed what I passed before then would you love me less
Lord would you would you love me less

You say I belong to you apart from the things I do
You say I belong to you, I'm in awe of why you do

What have I done to deserve your son sent to die for me
What can I give, I want to live, give my eyes to see
In a world that keeps changing
There's one thing that I know is true
Your love is staying there's nothing else I'll hold on to

I'm in awe of you, I'm in awe of you
The way you love me, the way you do
The way you do, the way you love me, you love me.

John 10:17-18
"This is why the Father loves me: because I freely lay down my life. And so I am free to take it up again. No one takes it from me. I lay it down of my own free will. I have the right to lay it down; I also have the right to take it up again. I received this authority personally from my Father."

Romans 5^:6-8
"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. "

Romans 8:31-39
"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

"others" perspective

I read this article in the April 2009 edition of Psychology Today magazine at work the other day.
Titled, You're Driving Me Crazy! by Jay Dixit. The tag line reads: Petty annoyances erode even the best relationships. When you've picked up your husband's 2,543rd dirty sock, something's gotta change. Most likely, it's YOU.

Obviously, it's an article on long-term, marital relationships. I'm a single dude. But I thought there were some good principles and points made about how I treat some of my closest friends, family, and people I'm most familiar with. The article reminded me of my ugly, unloving attitude towards other people. Whether it was my perspective, actions, words spoken to strangers or especially people I'm close with relationally - the article was aptly timed.

Excerpts:

"'You don't really live with the partner in your home, You live with the partner in your head,' explains Van Epp. Gradually, you begin looking for evidence that your partner is self-absorbed - and of course you find it. Your perceptions shift over time: The idealized partner you started out with becomes, well, less ideal.

But if you want to stay in a relationship, something needs to change.

In all likelihood, it's you.

With most couples, the problem isn't insufficient communication but too much communication. Many couples get caught in vicious cycles of complaining and criticizing each other, hammerring the same issues over and over.

Not only is criticism flat-out destructive to a relationship, it often doesn't budge an issue. Most behaviors never change - because most relationship problems are unresolvable. Gottman calculates 69 percent of all marital provlems are immutable, arising from basic personality differences between partners.

In other words, what you can change is your perspective."

This past Friday night, our campus ministry delved into Matthew 7:1-12 together. A goodie on how we treat and view others/ourselves. The one thing to remember: We must display our Father's love in our relationships.

Three times this week, God spoke to me through (others) in 1 John 4:
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we muight live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

I am reminded daily of God's grace. Sometimes the way I respond is humility. Other times, my mind remains stagnant and I get even more proud, resisting the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit. A constant test of my obedience - will I yield?

This Kingdom of Heaven is truly astounding. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. Where I must be the servant of all. Instead of looking at others in disdain thinking "They should change because I'm right and they're wrong/worse than me!", I must look at myself through the Father's eyes and then see others with a renewed perspective. Wow. Blows my mind.

"Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven"

Sundays only

On top of my personal and private commitments for Lent, I'm abstaining from YouTube, Twitter, blogging, and Facebook for the next 40 days. I spend exorbitant amounts of time on these sites - immensely distracting!

I'll be filling that time with more face-to-face interactions with people, writing meaningful letters or emails, and memorizing Scripture.

For the sake of keeping up with current events, I'll blog and check Facebook on Sundays only.

I may actually keep this up after Easter.

So, until Sunday...

weak

I've broken the long hiatus of physical inactivity and started working out again. It's been nearly three months since I've felt the burn. And man, it took me almost three times longer to complete a certain workout than it did a few months back. Although others may not have noticed, I almost felt embarrassed by how much weaker I had become. Reason: lack of discipline and laziness.

A mantra I try to go by is: "No excuses". Watch this

Kind of a funny one... "no excuses". Who am I kidding? I will, at times, fail and feel like giving up. So it's not so much of a "I have to be perfect and expect others to be perfect" mentality (although that's pretty much what I've been going off of...) but understanding that there's nobody else to blame but myself if I am not growing. If there is a training regiment and I don't faithfully follow it, even when nobody is looking, I simply won't grow stronger. No matter how much I talk about fitness and know about it and pretend to be fit, if I'm not working out daily, I won't grow. Funny how some people (who just don't know better) assume I'm a really fit guy. Sometimes my reputation precedes me but it's not always based on truth, on who I am.

Today was a good reminder of who I really am. I'm weak. I can fool people sometimes, and sometimes even fool myself, but times like today are God's gift to me. He's saying: "Be strong and courageous, not because you yourself are so strong and bold but because I am strong. I've already won the fight. It's a slow thing - growth - but in the end, you'll be way stronger if you'll just endure. Just trust me and keep going."

I have roughly 3 months to hit the gym hard. (a goal I've set for myself).
That's the beauty of it. The hard work really does pay off. How do you know if someone is fit? Physical results. It's pretty obvious. But don't expect the results to be quick. There are no short-cuts! How do you know if someone is living in the will of God?

Matthew 7:13-23 (The Message translation)
"Don't look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don't fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention.

"Be wary of false preachers who smile a lot, dripping with practiced sincerity. Chances are they are out to rip you off some way or other. Don't be impressed with charisma; look for character. Who preachers are is the main thing, not what they say. A genuine leader will never exploit your emotions or your pocketbook. These diseased trees with their bad apples are going to be chopped down and burned.

"Knowing the correct password—saying 'Master, Master,' for instance— isn't going to get you anywhere with me. What is required is serious obedience—doing what my Father wills. I can see it now—at the Final Judgment thousands strutting up to me and saying, 'Master, we preached the Message, we bashed the demons, our God-sponsored projects had everyone talking.' And do you know what I am going to say? 'You missed the boat. All you did was use me to make yourselves important. You don't impress me one bit. You're out of here.'"

hawhawhaw

I secretly (Not a secret anymore, obviously. Thanks, Blogger.com) envy people who are known for their laughs. You know how you can pinpoint someone just how they laugh? My laugh changes every few months. I've almost forgotten what my real laugh sounds like because my laugh is always a combination of whatever shred of my real laugh is left + an emulation of someone else's laugh.

Whether it's certain mannerisms, words, phrases, or habits sometimes I'm like a chameleon. I just pick things up and make it part of my being.

Ok, sure, I mean this is true for many people. Is it a matter of just being comfortable in my own skin? Or am I hyper-sensitive to what other people think? Or is this not such a bad thing, since it can work to my advantage in breaking the ice and forming closer relationships?

In some circles, I'm known as one of the guys who is constantly doing impressions of other people. I'm not saying that I'm really great at it (I have no idea, it just comes out of my mouth). Something that's being brought into light is how I judge others and how I want people to perceive me. Sometimes I emulate others because I respect them and enjoy that particular trait or habit. Other times, I straight up make fun of people... and it's not nice. Breaking others down to get a few cheap laughs proves me a prideful coward.

In order to please people or preserve my own reputation, I emulate others as a force field. An opaque mask that deters any astute observers from getting to know the real me - a weak sinner.

Man, I'm just in need of God's grace. His amazing grace. LORD, renew my mind! Remind me that I have a new identity in you and my sinful self is dead! Instill your perfect love in me so that instead of judging others in my insecurity, I can communicate your grace in partnership with my brothers and sisters.

"Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.

In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly." - Romans 12:3-8 (NLT)

We're all meant to be different. I am only complete when I fully accept what God has called me to be, by dedicating myself as a living sacrifice and renewing my mind so that I may discern what God's will is. And that's the beauty of our differences, not so that I can boast I'm so much better in a certain area than another person, but so we can all work together towards a fuller realization of God's grace.

1 > 99

I forget that I'm a sinner saved by grace. So when I look at an "especially undeserving person"(you know, that kind of person who is uncooperative, unresponsive, seemingly rebellious, stubborn, and just isn't "with the program"?) I easily cast him aside as someone unworthy of my time and attention.

Someone challenged me recently and asked, "How do you see ______ (person's name) anyway? It seems like you've just given up on him and cast him aside."

I've been asked that before about other people, so I started reciting my usual response:

"I have to keep the greater good [greatest good for the greatest number of people even at the cost of a few people] in mind. If ______ compromises the bigger picture, then oh well. I just have to move on. I've committed to God's Kingdom, and His Kingdom is huge. I can't be worrying about the 'bad apples' who fall off to the wayside. It's my job to focus on the people who are willing to cooperate and follow."

I've been growing more and more unsettled with that "standard" response.

Jesus asked Peter three times (in a row!) if he loved Jesus. Peter grew offended and replies in exasperation, "Of course! You know everything! Why are you berating me with this questioning?" (my interpretation).

Jesus' response: "Feed my sheep". No matter how ugly, hairy, sickly, nasty, dirty. Even those weird, gangly, buck-toothed looking ones that smell really bad.

"Feed my sheep" Discipling and loving is not about being picky. "For God so loved the world... and "making disciples of all nations..."

"Feed my sheep". When the whole flock obeys and is cooperative to your leadership. And even when a few start to stray here and there. Still, feed them.

If one strays, what to do? Forget it? Saving the rest of the flock is more important, I say! No, Jesus says: Abandon conventional wisdom and extravagantly love that straying and lost sheep. How? Count my life worth nothing, be willing to risk everything, and get out there to chase after that one sheep:

"What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish" (Matthew 18:12-14). Where in this world is 1 > 99? Only in God's Kingdom.
Jesus did not come for the righteous. He came to call sinners to repentance.

Expect nothing in return.

I have to remind myself regularly:
"If God treated me the way I treat and view other people, I'd be in serious trouble"
I can hardly imagine! God: "Eh, Joe's really not all that. He disobeys me, doesn't trust me, and is just really undisciplined and irresponsible. Do I really want my precious Son to be tortured and killed on the cross for this... loser?"

"...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8).

God is beyond huge. Bigger, more majestic, and greater than I can imagine. Yet, He values a soul. God numbers the very hairs on my head.

This is the "bigger" Kingdom vision. Not to hurry forth with a sense of urgency to build the biggest, grandest palace and to be the most "successful". The Kingdom vision is taking the time to be Christ to others. God calls us to be faithful, not successful. That's why laying down one's life for another is the greatest love a person can demonstrate. That's exactly what Christ did for all of us. Transforming lives, one at a time.

It's slow-going. But I hold on to an eternal encouragement and hope!

Mighty to Save
by Hillsongs

Everyone needs compassion, a love that's never failing.
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior, He can move the mountains.
My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save.
Forever, author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me, all my fears and failures
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow, everything I believe in
Now I surrender...

I refuse

to get a BlackBerry. It's addictive, expensive, further incapacitates my short-term memory (I used to remember all my friends' phone numbers... I now know about 4), and makes me a total social narf-boob.

I say that now... but I said this too about cellphones. I was adamantly against cell phones until I finally caved and got one in senior year of high school. Never got anything fancier than a basic affordable phone plan and text messaging. I recently upgraded to unlimited text because more and more people text. And more and more people are getting text-friendly "mobile devices". (No longer just called cellular phones...)

Cell phone etiquette nowadays is horrendous. What happened to turning off your cell phone during lectures and meals? What happened to walking out of the room to hold a conversation in order to NOT disturb the peace? What happened to just being a responsible person and showing up ontime and maybe actually following up/apologizing rather than texting at the last minute? Really... I forget what we did before cellphones... how would we communicate with each other?

Oh yea, I remember. We were more patient, more flexible, and just stayed after to talk more. Our lives were less interrupted and less cluttered. These are similar concerns people had when television first came out, over 50 years ago. And a couple of decades before that, people were against the detrimental evils of radio. Sigh... the necessary evils of advancements in technology.

And now, BlackBerries. It's crack. It's a drug. People who own them are GLUED to them every minute. It's kinda sad actually. The worst part is I could so see myself getting a BlackBerry. It's only a matter of time.

Not to mention Twitter and Google Latitude. Just scary and really unncessary.

I'll embrace it when the time comes. But I think I'd take vacations from technology. Imagine that... real vacations.

I love the LORD

"Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; our God is merciful. The LORD preserves the simple; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you." - Psalm 116:5-7 (ESV)

As per my dad's advice, I read through a Psalm and Proverb daily before reading through other books of the Bible. It centers me. Psalm 116, although I read it a few days ago, has resonated in my heart even until this morning. Better than the words I can use to express my heart, here it is - my praise to my Lord.

I'm partial to the English Standard Version (ESV) of the Bible - but I like how the Message translation puts Psalm 116. Read, remember, be blessed:

Psalm 116 (The Message translation)

I love God because he listened to me, listened as I begged for mercy. He listened so intently as I laid out my case before him.

Death stared me in the face, hell was hard on my heels. Up against it, I didn't know which way to turn; then I called out to God for help: "Please, God!" I cried out. "Save my life!"

God is gracious - it is he who makes things right, our most compassioante God. God takes the side of the helpless; when I was at the end of my rope, he saved me. I said to myself, "Relax and rest. God has showered you with blessings.

"Soul, you've been rescued from death; Eye, you've been rescued from tears; And you, Foot, were kept from sttumbling." I'm striding in the presence of God, alive in the land of the living!

I stayed faithful, though bedeviled, and despite a ton of bad luck, despite giving up on the human race, saying, "They're all liars and cheats."

What can I give back to God for the blessings he's poured out on me? I'll lift high the cup of salvation - a toast to God! I'll pray in the name of God; I'll complete what I promised God I'd do, and I'll do it together with his people.

When they arrive at the gates of death, God welcomes those who love him. Oh, God, here I am, your servant, your faithful servant: set me free for your service! I'm ready to offer the thanksgiving sacrifice and pray in the name of God. I'll complete what I promised God I'd do, and I'll do it in company with his people,

In the place of worship, in God's house, in Jerusalem, God's city. Hallelujah!

i (sometimes) get paid/pay to do this

I just spent the whole weekend cross-country skiing and snowshoeing across northern Michigan. I got lotsa food, slept 7 hours a night (which is above average for me), watched three movies, and just hung out with a bunch of guys. And I got paid to do it - just enough to pay off my bills for the month. That's the Marine Corps for ya.

Upon my return to Ann Arbor, I met and trained with some people who share similar callings and passions, and helped cook some dinner for LIFE group. I paid to do this.

For the past two hours I've been catching up with my roommates and checking the oodles of emails I missed in the last three days. The amount of catch-up work from this weekend is frightening - but it's so worth it. Now I'll pay for it.

It's great to hear good news from our brothers and sisters in Christ. And it's definitely a great feeling, albeit humbling, to know that things are fine or even better without me. Investment and trust - fully paid out for the weekend.

I spoke to one of my best buddies recently. He reminded me to pursue my passions - money is always secondary. Ha! This coming from a guy who works in the financial sector with people his age getting laid off left and right. Tough times. And he meant what he said.

I can't believe I get paid to do some of this stuff. And for the stuff I don't get paid for, I'd still do it for free! I'm tired and there's so much to do. But I'm so thankful. As fun, packed, tiring this weekend was and how crazy-busy my week looks, I'm reminded of why I do what I do.

I think I get it more and more... this "heavenly treasure" versus "earthly treasure" thing.
Heavenly treasure > earthly treasure. Definitely. No doubt.

"Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!" - Psalm 115:1

"What is this world coming to?"

Last week at the library where I work, a woman reading that day's newspaper exclaimed, "What is this world coming to?!" Her gaping mouth, furrowed brow, and shaking head, though sincere, was almost comical.

Me: "What do you mean, ma'am?"

Lady: "I just can't believe people these days!"

Me: "Are you talking about the mother who was murdered in her home the other day?"

Lady: "YEA! Right here in Ann Arbor! Can you believe it? I just can't believe it! People nowadays are just crazy and so evil! People weren't like this back in my day! Nooooo way! Uh-uh! What is this world coming to?"

Me: "Well, I beg to differ ma'am. The world has always been this way."

Lady: "... has always been this - hm. Never thought about it like that. Now you're really making me think!"

Joe exit stage left through Fantasy/Sci-Fi

Later that same week in a different library:
Man: "Hey, I've seen you around the Downtown library before. You guys [security] work at the branches too?"

Me: "Yes sir, we do"

Man: "I like it better here."

Me: "O yea, how's that?"

Man: "It's quieter. It's too noisy over at Downtown"

Me: "Well, it's smaller here. But there are more families who come in with crying babies, so it's a trade-off."

Man: "Well, at least there aren't any homeless around here. Man, they're the ones who cause ALL the trouble. Can't stand them. I think I'll come around here more often. Thanks."

I remember when I used to be shocked reading the news - the violence, stupidity, greed, and just EVIL things that people are capable of. Not to say that my heart doesn't break when hearing about these things now, but really, do I expect something different?

Why is it that people are in SHOCK and their world is turned upside down when they hear that a religious leader is living a life of sin (usually involving sex and money scandals)? Yes, there's a leadership and trust issue, but he/she is human. Nothing more, nothing less. I definitely agree that especially leaders need to be held accountable and live by different standards. But nobody is immune to sin - to evil - to the Devil's schemes. Even theologically/biblically - the most fervent believers can "fall into sin" if they are not careful and alert.

It can happen to anybody. Even me.

Kind of like car accidents and cancer. Nobody plans for or wants these things. They just happen. I just laugh whenever I hear "I never thought that I would get cancer". Really, who does? Or "Don't worry, I'm a really good driver! I really am! You have no idea!"

Fact 1: Most drivers think that they are better at driving than the average motor vehicle operator.
Fact 2: Most drivers are terrible drivers.

That's why they're called "accidents".

Part of this is that some people live very sheltered lives. Even people who hear that "people live very sheltered lives" somehow think that they live outside of a bubble, when they really don't! I'm amused whenever I hear ignorant, clueless Univeristy students/Ann Arborites who claim "Ann Arbor is so safe we don't really need the police around here".

Relatively speaking, in a purely numerical sense, yes Ann Arbor is "safer" than let's say... Detroit. But Ann Arbor is full of people. And all peoples are prone to accidents and committing crimes. Whether it's drug deals, theft, murder, gangs, human trafficking, child molestors - you name it, Ann Arbor has it! We live in a fallen world.

Regarding the whole "let's blame the homeless" comment:
We so easily cast off all blame to someone else. Because that someone else is much more capable of evil than we are, and it's just easier to point fingers at people than it is to look at oneself and have your own sins exposed. And trust me, I've done a lot of finger-pointing.

"But I would never KILL anybody! So I'm innocent! That person actually murdered somebody!"
To you sir or ma'am, I invite you to read the book of Matthew, chapters 5-7. Read it and we'll talk about it afterwards.

Fact: More than half of all the "problems" I encounter working at the public library are not instigated by the "dirty, rude, crazy, dangerous homeless people".
Fact: Most of the problems are started by the rich, snobby people who think they "deserve something" - and when they don't get it, they get ticked off and start a tamper tantrum.

It's the "undeserving" who prove to be the most humble and polite. The people who think they're better than ______ and feel like they deserve something - wow, they're the REAL trouble-makers. "Blessed are the poor in spirit..."

I don't say all this out of a pessimistic and cynical heart. For me, knowing that every single person has the capacity to sin actually turns my eyes to the only eternal hope that I know, Jesus Christ. I think that lying to ourselves that we're somehow OK and better than _____ is ultimately a sign of self-sufficiency and a disillusioned sense of pride. If we're ever at the point where we are pointing our fingers at someone else and claiming, "But I would never... I can't believe some people are..." then we lose sight of the very first step in being reconciled with God: the confession that we are sinners.

What is this world coming to? The world has been full of sin and darkness longer than you or I've been alive. But Christ is that hope and light. Christ overcame the world.

February

My personal time of reflecting and journaling have taken big hits lately because of my idle and senseless wanderings on the internet. I'll be taking a hiatus from blogging (I've blogged nearly every day for the last week!) until at least February.

See y'all then.

In the meantime, I was blessed and awed by Psalm 102. Excerpts:

"Hear my prayer, O LORD... Do not hide your face from me in the day of my distress! ... For my days pass away like smoke... I wither away like grass.

But you, O LORD, are enthroned forever; you are remembered throughout all generations... Nations will fear the name of the LORD, and all the kings of the earth will fear your glory; he regards the prayer of the destitute and does not despise their prayer.

Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet to be created may praise the LORD: that he looked down from his holy height; from heaven the LORD looked at the earth, to hear the groans of prisoners, to set free those were doomed to die, that they may declare in Zion the name of the LORD, and in Jerusalem his praise, when peoples gather together, and kingdoms, to worship the LORD.

... the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you will remain... you are the same, and your years have no end..."

man-pride

Hello, my name is Joseph and I have man-pride. *supportive applause*group hugs*

Both proud to be a man and driven by the irresistable, secretly sensitive, stubborn male ego. Man-pride can range from the "good" of instilling confidence, courage, and even healthy competition; to the obnoxious, arrogant, and selfishly ambitious jerk-faced-ness.

In moments of my own flamboyant expression of man-pride, women have reacted by rolling their eyes and moaning "Ugh... there he goes again... stupid man-pride..." To which I and other "manly men" in the vicinity have responded, "Yea, but man-pride makes the world go 'round. There wouldn't be any progress without man-pride" I'm not sure if a more stupid and prideful response can be generated... wow. Bravo to us.

What, of course, we're referring to is the pride that fuels competition. Without competition, advancements in technology would take huge hits and we'd still be math problems on abacii (plural of abacus... I think...)

Man on the moon? All thanks to dueling national space programs of the Cold War-era. Man-pride.
The Olympics and professionalized sports? "Appreciation for the human body, athleticism, a love for the game" Man-pride!
Mirrors, cut-off sleeves, very loud grunting, bicep curls in weight rooms? For "form, cooling off, effort, and strength". Nope. Man-pride.Lots of things are (seemingly) driven by man-pride. So it's a necessary evil meant to be carefully controlled, right?
Some women may even desire to tame the wild, bad boys and mold them to do their will... or so I've heard...

One of the first lessons I've learned in man-hood goes against man-pride: "A man knows when he's wrong and isn't afraid to admit it. A man says Sorry and has the fortitude to move on"

The confidence and security of a humble man comes not from his own abilities and acheivements but from his firmly rooted identity in something bigger than himself, that eternal thing being the LORD God.

The more I think about it, the more laughable it all is. There's no room for man-pride. Pride strips away the possibility of unconditional love, forgiveness, teamwork, and the vulnerability needed to learn from one's mistakes. I've been so pride-ful that I can literally count the number of times I've said, "Sorry" to someone for something I screwed up on. I've screwed up (ie. sinned) countless times and owed many apologies. Instead, my pride prevented me from saying or sometimes even being sorry. I've replaced what should've been a "Sorry, I was wrong. Forgive me." to a pitiful excuse-filled explanation of my side of the story and coming to a mere understanding in hopes of quelching any fires of hate and bitterness. That's called self-preservation, people. Man-pride.

Pride makes the world go 'round. That's only true in the fallen world - de facto to the seeing eyes of men! But the LORD God is Creator of the Universe and proves otherwise. All things were made by Christ, for Christ, and created to worship Him. It really is funny sometimes because my pride can be so ironic. The things I judge people for are the very things I fall short in - either at that particular time or sometime later. Who am I kidding? I'm not perfect.

The real meaning of "Do not judge" in Scriptures is not necessarily to rid ourselves of all judgment (because we absolutely need it!) but to have a sober judgment of ourselves and not be so quick in judgin others with a hypocritical, man-pride-driven heart. Or else what? "Lest you be judged the same way".

Reading John 13 again, I see how Simon Peter cried out to Jesus to not wash his dirty feet. Peter urges Jesus to wash his head and body, but not his feet. Let that be done by someone else, or perhaps by Peter himself. Jesus replies that he must wash Peter's feet otherwise Peter cannot share life with Christ.

I am at that place again - Cavalry, at the foot of the Cross. So ashamed and prideful to let Jesus, King of all kings, stoop down and wash the dirtiest parts of my life, I say "No! I can do it! Please don't touch my feet! They're too nasty!" The full extent of man-pride is self-sufficiency, thinking I can do it all by myself. I am too good and pass myself as modest by not accepting free gifts. I refuse help when I clearly need it. I need to earn something so I can feel as if it was me who saved myself.

Unless I humble myself and abandon myself to God, I cannot identify myself with Him. God will not force Himself upon me. He does not need to persuade me of Himself and further fuel my pride. He does not need to try to convince me nor can I possible convince myself holy to God. The only way man-pride can be defeated is self-humility at Christ's feet. Only I can humble myself, by accepting grace. Again and again.

And in so doing, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose." - Galatians 2:20-21

virtual disrobing

The Burden of Twitter

Guilty. I feel guilty that I have a blog and haven't contributed to it for seven months. Guilty that all my pals on Facebook post cool pictures, while the last shots I uploaded were of Fourth of July fireworks - from 2007. Guilty that I haven't Dugg anything since, well, ever.

It's not that I don't like social networking - I adore it. I love the way it transforms my ragged circle of contacts and acquaintances into something approaching a community Every site becomes a personalized small town where strangers don't stay that way for long. I'm fascinated by the quirks and preferences my "friends" reveal through comments, status reports, and alerts.

That's where my guilt comes in. Because of time constraints and just plain reticence, I worry that I'm snatching morsels from the information food bank without making any donations. Instead of healthy, reciprocal participation, I'm flirting with parasitic voyeurism.

So, driven by guilt, I try to pitch in. I post Facebook status reports, send iPhone snapshots to Flickr, link my Netflix queue with FriendFeed. But as my participation increases, I invariably suffer another psychic downside of social networking: remorse.

The more I upload the details of my existence, even in the form of random observations and casual location updates, the more I worry about giving away too much. It's one thing to share intimacies person-to-person. But with a community? Creepy.

NYU lecturer and WIRED correspondent Clay Shirky notes in his 2008 book, Here Comes Everybody, that sharing personal information on social networks is not the same as broadcasting. It's more like dishing with close buddies in a mall food court.

The latest source of my dilemma is Twitter, which lets you spit out real-time reports about what you're thinking and doing. It's fun to track the digital ejaculations of selected Twitterati. But a couple thousand people signed up unsolicited to follow my tweets. And I feel guilty when not serving this hungry crowd - remorseful when I am.

Since I don't know many in this mob, I try not to be personally revealing. Still, no matter how innocuous your individual tweets, the aggregate ends up being the foundation of a scary-deep self-portrait. It's like a psychographic version of strip poker - I'm disrobing, 140 characters at a time.

Every so often, I get a glimpse of the effects of tossing all this personal confetti to the winds. In November, I attended an industry conference, and so many people congratulated me on the Phillies Word Series win that I felt like Chase Utley. How did they know I'm a Phillies fan? Duh, they read my dispatches from Citizen's Bank Park during game four. And if they're still following, they also know about my son's college plans, my recent travel itinerary, and the fact that I filed this column late.

We hear a lot about privacy violations by Big Brother and Little Brother. But what is the fault lies not in our siblings but in ourselves? For a reality check, I called Marc Rotenberg, head of the Electronic Privacy Information Center and an utter hawk when it comes to protecting personal data. He told me to relax. "One aspect of privacy is the ability to protect yourself as you choose," he says. Services like Facebook and Twitter are strictly opt-in, so as long as the information isn't divvied out to marketers, Rotenberg is OK with it: "That is freedom."

So now I'm feeling guilty - for being remorseful. Maybe I should complain about it in my next tweet."

- Steven Levy, WIRED magazine, February 2009

KISS

I just sent a very long email... probably one of my longest ones in recent memory. Topic? Communication.

Ha! How ironic! Looking over my email again, I wasted time and space mentioning a lot of unnecessary things. I could've probably got the same point across, in a more gentle way, using about 1/3 the space.

Maybe this is the result of years of BS-ing my way through 20-page History papers. hm...
Oh yea, alternate point: Don't send exasperated emails at 2:30AM. Wait, think it out, say it in person if possible.

Darn my preachy-ness! Sometimes, I need a good fresh slap in the face and to be told, "You're not all that, get over yourself!"

Ever hear of the acronym, KISS? Keep it simple, stupid!

How about "Keep it short 'n simple"?

The most valuable talent is that of never using two words when one will do. - Thomas Jefferson

ABC's

This past weekend, God gave me some fresh revelations that allowed me to shape a direction for the rest of this semester. Not just for myself but for our LIFE group as well.

In short:
In view of His grandeur, I must abandon myself completely to God in order to grow more deeply in love with Him. I must commit to taking steps of faith, always keeping God's righteousness and Kingdom in mind ("the big picture").

It's the A,B,C,D's:

Abandon

I am learning more and more of the weighty commitment I made over three years ago when I declared to God, "Here am I, all of me. Take my life, it's all for Thee."
I uttered those words in humility, repentance, and brokenness - out of a sincere heart. Since then, I've struggled in learning the true meaning of "surrender". It's not just a momentary thing, it's my whole life. As my pride swells, my faith and convictions tested, I've been tempted to rely more and more on myself. I want to be self-sufficient and master my own circumstances!
But no, God is LORD of all. And when I forget that, God doesn't entice me with persuasive words or miracles or even forces anything upon me. He simply offers himself to me through His faithfulness shown in His promises. Do I really trust in my sovereign God? I must completely abandon myself to God - not just test out the waters by dipping my feet in - but a canonball dive into the deep end. Wholehearted devotion.

Bigger
In order to abandon myself, my view of God must increase in scope. I want and need to have something great to have great faith in. John the Baptist's declaration resounds as a challenge and calling to me: "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30).
If my view and understanding of God increases and gets "bigger", my faith and understanding of God will grow closer in fully realizing those elusive traits only God can possess: "eternal", "forever", the Great "I AM".

Not only must my view of God increase, but my faith must continually transform from a selfish one to a selfless faith. Is my heart for people, for the local church, for the lost? The more self-focused I am, the less these things matter. The closer I am with Christ, the more clearly I see His heart for something bigger.
I need to let go of all my daily, small anxieties and realize that God is bigger. He will save the day! Striving to not worry, but seek first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness.
I want to get my eyes off of the stormy seas and the fact that I could be drowning, to what is right in front of me - Christ himself, hand extended. Forget the storms - my God controls the storms. And then, after declaring my love for Christ? "Feed my sheep". Bigger than me.

Commitment
This life of surrender has to be just that. A lifestlye of choices and decisions centered around the highest calling of following Christ. It's not automatic nor is it easy. I must learn to commit myself to continually surrendering my will and heart to Christ. I must commit myself again and again to the Gospel.
Especially when times are tough and I fall away in sinfulness, I must commit myself back to God - because He committed Himself to me so that I may be saved despite my sinfulness. An amazing devotion calls for an amazing commitment in response.

Deeper

And in all this, I desire to grow deeper in my knowledge of God and deeper in love with God. How sad would it be if love and knowledge had a quantifiable limit? Even atheists and agnostics know those truths: love and knowledge can only grow deeper. In order to grow deeper with God, I must abandon myself to Him, exalt Him above all other things, and commit to following Him.

I'm excited for this semester of loving God, loving people, and seeking His kingdom.

A song our church started singing this past semester. One that expresses this message of faith, surrender, and exalting God to the highest place:

You Alone are God
I confess my hope in the light of Your salvation

Where I lose myself I will find You're all I need

Sing my soul of the Savior's love
Sing my soul unto God alone

I will meet You here in the life we call surrender
Let the world I know be the glory of Your grace

You alone are God
You alone are God

We declare the glory of Your Name

Reign in all the earth

Reign in all the earth, Jesus!

classy

Classy moment of the day:

President Obama escorts former President Bush to say farewell. That kind of accompanied farewell has never been done before. Ladies and gentlemen, that is class.

My new commander in chief. Our new leader and motivator. An excellent orator. I sure do hope for the better. But a "revolution" is not without a resiliency, perseverance, and toil from the people - you and me. "This is the price and promise of citizenship". Amen, brother.

A remarkable story of not just one man or administration, but of a country rising up to remake itself. I'm excited to see how it unfolds.

The conclusion of Obama's inaugral speech:

"This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words to be read to the people:

Let it be told to the future world... that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive... that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it.

America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy current, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

Thank you. God bless you. And God bless America."

- B. Obama, 44th American President, inaugural speech, Jan.20, 2009.

blessed regardless - bless the LORD

Thoughts from reading today:

"... He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous..." (Matthew 5:45)

I am reminded today that God will bless who He will bless. Why? One, because of His word - if He says so, He will do it. That's who God is. And two, God created everything and everything is created to worship God. God sends down rain and lets the sun shine on the righteous and unrighteous. He gave His one and only son to the whole world full of sinners, knowing that many will never profess willingly that Jesus is Lord and Savior. Blessings will come - expected or unexpected, deserved or undeserved, faithful or unfaithful.

"Blessed is the man you discipline, O LORD, the man you teach from your law" (Psalm 94:12)

God disciplines me. Why? Not just because right is right and wrong is wrong. But in my learned obedience to God, I bring Him glory.

"Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation... For the Lord is the great God... In his hand are the depths of the earth... The sea is his, for he made it..." (Psalm 95:1,3-5)

Why praise God? The psalmist puts it simply: because "the Lord is the great God". Not because of necessarily what He's done for lil ol' me, and certainly not because I have anything of worth to give to God, but simply because He IS.

"And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black" (Matthew 5:36)

Everything in creation is the LORD's. I own nothing, not even my life. How can I even swear by anything, including my own life, if it is not under my control? I give freely because it wasn't mine to give anyway.

Everything is for God's glory - whether I acknowledge it or not, in the end, God will be glorified. He sure doesn't need me - He can make the rocks cry out in my place! Yet, I am just amazed at how God continues to bless me especially when I know I did nothing to earn any kind of reward.

God provided the Israelites manna, meat, guidance, water, and everything they ever needed for a whole generation - despite their complaining and continued disobedience. But why doesn't he completely annihilate them for their sinful ways? Because through these people, God will display His glory - and even in disobedience, God will still be glorified. Wow.

I wake up and am blessed by the rising sun every morning. I didn't do squat to make it come up. I am blessed regardless. How can I ever think that "for even a moment that the point of it all was to make much of me"? For His glory. Make much of Christ.

exposed

Part of growing up is realizing more of who I am. Not only who and what I am not, but embracing the possibility.

The Holy Spirit is exposing more and more of me. Showing me areas of my life, my character that I have not consciously and willingly submitted under His authority. And in turn, showing more and more of who God is in me. Man, there's just so much more to this life that I want to keep safe by ignoring it all.

I read once that the greatest and final source of pride lies in the fact that we insist that we already know ourselves. This pride only prevents me from knowing more of God. Without letting this point of pride go, I cannot say in my soul, "Search me, know me, test my heart and see if there is any offensive way in me" (Psalm 139). I prevent the full realization of the Holy Spirit at work in me.

Yet I'm so inclined to say, "You don't know me! I'll do what I want! Stop judging me!"

I can only limit myself by limiting God. So what's my proper response? Go into hiding, shade the truth, try harder to look and maintain a certain image? No. That's what I do now.

LORD, renew my mind. When I am so set on my ways and think I know myself and have an unwavering "life philosophy", please challenge it and take me deeper. Expose me with Your light.

So, this is abandon.

by Starfield, "Cry in my Heart"

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?
(For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You)

For what do I have
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head
Lifter of this head