back home

I'm glad to be in Ann Arbor. I can understand why there are those who really hate being back in Ann Arbor (and this not only limited to out-of-staters) or maybe just really wish they were somewhere else with other people. I feel differently.

Partly because I decided to come to University of Michigan from New Jersey to get away from New Jersey. And not just because "I want to see something new". I don't think I'm that capricious (maybe). I wanted to get away and stay away - live my own life. Over the years, that attitude has changed. It's a challenge and discipline to care for and keep the relationships I have with people elsewhere (ie my friends and family in NJ). Not being able to see them and miss them at times has grown my love for them.

Another reason is because I realized after graduating from high school, that home is not really a physical place. I remember when I just didn't feel right when I visited NJ after extensive time away in training with the Marine Corps. The people and places were definitely familiar and I can always have an enjoyable experience with loved ones, but it just wasn't home anymore. I tried defining what "home" is. I say Ann Arbor is my home now - when I say "back home" I'm usually referring to the University of Michigan campus. I usually refer New Jersey as "visiting my folks". Even so, Ann Arbor is not my home.

There's this urge deep inside that tells me "you're not home yet". My co-worker told me that I'm still very young and live an unstable life. I don't have a career, am single, no family of my own, rent an apartment with three other guys... in a sense, no "stability". There are people who tell me to be more patient, to relax, to calm down - that I'll eventually settle down. Will I be more at home when I have a job, wife, kids, and my own place? No, I don't think so. I hope not.

I have friends who are used to moving around a lot. So staying in one place for too long is uncomfortable to them, mainly because they're not used to it and/or have a peculiar sense for all things new and adventurous. So, do I want to explore the world and constantly be on the move? Is the "whole world my backyard"? Sort of, I guess... but that's not quite it either.

I don't get homesick very easily. The past years have taught me to adapt to new environments and people relatively quickly and not limit my concept of a "home" to a geographic location or specific group of people. So I can and do adapt pretty quickly. I've traveled to many places in the US and the world, so I usually don't get an intense "culture-shock". What I mean is not that I necessarily know everything there is to know about a new place (I never do) and am always surprised at new things, but I'm not so shocked that I can't operate or get used to local customs quickly. Is that it? Is my real home somewhere else - perhaps overseas in a different country, culture, and with different people? No.

For now, I'm glad to be where I am. I'm confident that God is absolutely sovereign in my life. God doesn't just help me "through all circumstances". He orchestrates and is in control of all circumstances! I am more confident that God has placed me where I am for His purpose, for me to grow and see more of Him and His ways right now.

More and more, as I grow in my relationship with God, the things of this world leave a bland taste in my mouth. The world and people created by God and for God are beautiful - but I can't get no satisfaction from it! Above all else, in Christ alone, I place my life.

Thinking about this reminds me of Philippians 4 and what Paul wrote about contentment. No matter who, what, when, where - Paul found the secret of being content in his heart: to remain in Christ and Christ alone. I want to be with Christ more and more. Putting my trust and hope in the things of this world - be it a place, a building, familiar sights and sounds, or people - has only drawn me farther from God's righteousness.

For now, my call is to stay faithful and do the best that I can with this earthly home. It is temporary and will fade. I can't wait to go home and be with my Adonai.

Adonai
I lift my voice, I lift my praise to You
I lift my hands, I lift my worship to You
And I love You more than I can say
Oh I love You more than I can say

Ever I will sing, only You will I adore
Glorify my Lord, only You will I serve
For the world will fade away
Still my song to You remains
Only You will I adore

Oh I love You always
Oh I love You always